BIG WARNING: due to different time zones and you possibly getting to see Season 7, Episode 1 before others, please, please, please DO NOT comment on this episode or give away any spoilers. I will set zombies on you if you do.
Smaller warning: this post contains details from Seasons 1-6, so go get caught up quickly if you’re behind. Don’t forget to come back though. I could do with the readers.
Never let it be said that I am shamelessly self-promoting by writing about The Walking Dead when the new season is starting today *tries to contain excitement*.
That would be like some kind of proper grown up blogger marketing strategy *shudders*. I’m just a little obsessed ‘tis all.
I’m not watching that zombie crap
I told the Husband many times I wasn’t going to watch it. I asserted my right not to be grossed out by zombies and the resulting gore of their actions. I even watched a few episodes and warded off a vomit explosion when they covered themselves in zombie juice.
Then I got depressed and bored. I think my propensity for being horrified was dulled by the horrors taking place inside me. I decided to try watching this zombie fest and see what all the fuss was about.
A month later and I have caned my way through all six seasons. Did I mention I was bored? Bloody hell, this stuff is gripping.
Zombies have feelings too
I am happy to confess that I was wrong. It is not about zombies at all. Okay, yes, it is. They’ are every-freaking-where but they are rendered almost invisible as you watch sharp plots evolve and characters change.
I’m jealous of the writers of The Walking Dead.
I wish I could create such amazing character arcs.
I wish I could write about stabbing half-dead creatures in the head with such finesse.
I wish I could meet Andrew Lincoln and thank him for making television fabulous, not only with this offering, but also in This Life and Teachers.
I wish I could sit at my writing desk and ask myself, ‘What would Carol do?’ Clue: pretty much anything.
Now I even feel empathy for zombies. It’s a shitty gig walking slowly, with a shuffle, garbling nonsense, decaying, and projecting a dead-behind-the-eyes stare. I guess that feels a little too close to home nowadays…
The Walking Dead characters are bad ass. They have got their shit together, kind of, until the awkwardness of the Season 6 finale happened.
Therefore, in this time of still trying to figure out this writery business, I’m going to ask them how to do this. So, you lovely killers, show me the way…
The Walking Dead Writing Process
Unlike me, Carol is a pantser rather than a plotter. I think that my perfectionist tendencies can occasionally make me a little static in my writing.
Therefore, in future I will consider using more of ‘The Carol Method’. This involves making spontaneous decisions, acting immediately upon inspiration, and unabashedly veering from the plan if it doesn’t seem to be working.
I will, however, avoid Carol-esque scenarios with looking after children, directing them to look at flowers, making cookies, or offering a cure for a bad cough.
Daryl would make a great critique partner in that he’s harsh, but fair.
The relationship may be somewhat one-sided though as I really wouldn’t want to be critiquing anything Daryl has to offer. Do you fancy your chances of not getting an arrow in your arse for telling him that he could do with a bath?
I’d just give him my work, ask for feedback, and then adjust it to the letter. It may not result in being my breakthrough novel but I’ve seen how quickly that man can skin a rabbit.
Carl could be my writing buddy. He’s a relative newbie to the world in which he now finds himself so we have some common ground.
I will accept older Carl as my writing companion over younger, whingey Carl who had some serious adolescent issues. I’ve served my time working with angsty teenagers, thanks very much.
I may resist asking Carl to cast an eye over my work. I think this may piss him off. I’m not messing with a boy who can shoot his own mother in the head.
Judith is that friend who isn’t a writer but provides the warm and fuzzies of support; nothing beats just washed baby smell for making a person go all gooey inside.
Judith has displayed a superior capacity for keeping calm in high pressure situations.
She would also be a great sounding board for new novel ideas in regard of keeping them confidential as (a) she cannot talk and (b) she can really hold her shit together when surrounded by beings trying to extract something from her i.e. hungry zombies who fancy a light snack.
I’m a little wary of Judith though. If she’s Shane’s daughter then she may have his murderous mean streak. This could result in her either secretly becoming a major author from stealing my writing ideas or the next superior zombie slayer. In the instance of a zombie apocalypse, ’m hoping for the latter.
Michonne is a born editor. She would be amazing at slashing away the unnecessary written faff.
Michonne can spot deadwood (or dead people) a mile off and culls without regret.
That woman doesn’t only kill her darlings (remember the boyfriend and friend who became her zombie pets?) but any other thing that has a whiff of the undead about it.
Consider your first draft ripped to shreds in Michonne’s hands. It’s for your own good.
Maggie can show me you how the first draft is done.
Like a first offering, she is full of surprises, constantly evolving, and a paradox of ‘WTF’ moments. One minute she’s a sweet and sassy farm girl, the next she’s poking a zombie’s eyeball out.
With Maggie as my first draft muse, I will learn never to judge by first appearances. She also has a second draft, i.e. a baby, waiting to come to fruition, barring a whack from Lucille.
Dependable, lovable, no longer a gopher but a leader in his own right; Glenn would be the trusted go-to man for the revising process.
He takes from his Maggie first draft and revises his and her lives to make them the best final draft they can be *sigh*.
Glenn is not afraid to constantly revise his stance and his plans. He scrutinises what he has and makes the best of a bad situation.
Flipping heck, I really do need this man to get to work on my novel. Pronto. Spare him for now, for the love of the book, please Negan.
Rick will one day be my agent.
I want Rick fighting my corner and defending me and my work against the potential brain-dead negative reviewers, the evil rejecting publishers, and the life-sapping self-promotion.
Rick will not hesitate to conquer them all. Rick always has a plan. Although maybe we will discuss any actions he wishes to take prior to his seeing them through.
I’d rather not land up on my knees wondering if my head will be used as a baseball, akin to the scathing end of an Amazon reviewer’s vitriol.
It’s a tough life being a zombie…
Flailing around, trying to sniff out something to get their teeth into, deprived of sustenance, feeling half dead,and wandering aimlessly.
Yep, that’s an analogy for a writer if I’ve ever heard one. Keep walking, horde, keep walking…
Season 7 is just about here!
This post was obviously written before the ‘Who got whacked at the end of Season 6?’ business was revealed.
If you have read the comics then it was that person. However, the TV series doesn’t always follow the comics so it could be that person instead. It might even be more than one person.
I know who I have my money on. I’m giving nothing away, mainly so I can say I was right afterwards and you will never know the truth.
I’ve now watched the episode and I’m off for a lie down. Tense, horrifying and emotional, and that was just the first minute.