Many of us love the Guardians of the Galaxy films and comic books. I’m a big fan with many a figurine dotted around my writing area. They’re my work colleagues.
Every writer needs support. What better form of encouragement than a crackpot, slightly cracked, team of aliens? Let’s take each of them in advance and see what they can bring to my dream writing team.
Warning: Contains plot spoilers from films 1 and 2.
This fella knows how to navigate his way out of asteroid fields whilst being chased by angry aliens. He would be a brilliant blagger for the team. He could promote me as my agent.
Dealing with savage reviewers and publishing houses if I hit the big time would be no problem for the Star-Lord. He’s used to shutting up gobby Rocket after all. He also has the gift of the gab and a way with the laydees. Prime negotiating skills right there.
Star-Lord always sticks with his team and even chooses them over his father. A writer needs that kind of loyalty in this occasionally cold world of writing and publishing.
Finally, he has some epic ‘80s tunes stacked up. I cannot wait to get those bad boys on and enjoy the break times, busting some moves.
She’s a tough assassin who doesn’t take BS from anyone. Gamora is needed for the days when writer’s block strikes or I’m just not feeling it. There’s no way a woman who is always advocating morality is going to let me have a nap instead of writing.
I also nominate Gamora as my ‘toughening up coach’. I know I can be a fragile flower sometimes and need to work on cultivating this rhino hide. I’m looking forward to learning how to literally kick butt, and keep a straight head in scary writing situations.
In return, along with the Star-Lord, I’ll teach her how to loosen up a little more by plying her with a few shandies so she can see why dancing and laughing can be fun.
Drax the Destroyer
Drax will most definitely be my editing buddy. His inability to be anything but literal and honest is what a writer dreads but needs.
After Gamora has helped me to ‘woman up’ I should hopefully be prepared for Drax’s brutal feedback. Better to have a brick shit house of an alien telling me that my work is no good than having to deal with the nastiness of the critics later.
Drax also likes to take the piss out of other people. Not necessarily needed for writing but a kindred spirit right there. Just don’t make him angry. He’s got this Hulk-like thing going on when he’s angry and was originally green in the comic books. So there’s a thing.
Rocket would be a great advocate for explaining that people should not accept a writer or their work at face-value. Just try calling him a raccoon or a trash panda and see what happens.
Rocket will challenge those who troll my blog and social media, unfortunately it happens. With my feisty little friend on the case of bringing those keyboard warriors down with a few quips and some ninja-like moves, I’m sorted.
I would also rely upon Rocket to help me with the times when I’m spouting out rubbish in my writing and it doesn’t make sense. Anyone who can speak fluent Groot would be a mastermind of revising the first draft.
I may need to rein Rocket in every now again as he can be a bossy boots. A threat of being sent to the RSPCA as an abandoned animal should rectify that.
I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot.
What? You didn’t understand? Sheesh…
Anyone who can carry on dancing and having fun whilst a full-blown fight is going on around them is amazing in my book. Don’t think this means that Groot isn’t a team player. He blew himself up for his buddies after all.
Groot will be my manager. What he says goes with every discussion and negotiation that takes place in my writing life. When he tells you, ‘I am Groot’, you better believe it.
He may look cute but that’s his strength. Don’t piss him off. Break his speaker and he’ll go postal on you. Diss his mate Rocky and he’ll let you know about it.
He has a soft side too but only his best friends see it. I’m looking forward to hugging a tree already.
I may ask to go along to any meetings he sets up as he does have a weakness in his inability to be able to decipher what someone is actually asking for.
If only the whole world spoke Groot.
So there you have it, my Guardians of the Galaxy dream writing team. I’m off to save the galaxy. Okay, to write. Life can be cruel sometimes…