A Cat’s Guide to Birthdays

Happy Birthday Lisa!

Today, Monday 30th October, is Cat Slave #1, AKA Lisa’s birthday. Happy birthday human! It’s time for another blog post from me, Feegle, blogger cat extraordinaire.

For cats, every day is a birthday. We do what we want and make the world adore us all the time. For the purposes of being educational though, I will give up valuable napping time to let you know how to make birthdays the very best they can be.

Get Up Late

Cat's Guide to Birthdays - sleeping
Epic birthday kip? Nailed it.

Who cares if you slept some of your birthday away? You get up early nearly every day to do that weird work type thing you humans insist on doing. Give yourself a special birthday lie-in.

Beds are the best things ever. They make all things good by being snuggly, warm, bouncy, and where all good snoozing happens.

A birthday kip will make you look even more bootiful when you awake, and stop those wrinkles appearing that you seem to get lots of each birthday. Cats are clever. We hide our wrinkles under our fur.

Eat Your Way Through It

Cat's Guide to Birthdays - dining
I demand cake. Now!

Treats are what make birthdays.

Birthday cake has no calories in it. That’s what Lisa tells me. I don’t know what a calorie is and I don’t think my bum will ever look big in anything. The only time I look in the mirror is to figure out what that cat looking at me has a problem with. She stares at me and copies everything I do. Rude.

Eat your way through your birthday. It’s not a proper celebration unless you feel sick by 11am.

At least you humans don’t have to perform party tricks for your treats. Think yourself lucky you get extra chocolate without having to meow on cue or ramp up the cute factor. It’s a tough life for a cat.

Put Your Party Shoes On…Quietly

If you must celebrate, do it quietly, there are cats napping here. You have a short window of time to unleash your inner party animal.

Cats have a frenzied 30 minutes of darting around the house, crashing into furniture, and performing acrobatics. This is when you’re allowed to put cheesey choons on and look like a numpty.

Don’t expect me to join you. All that running up and down the stairs is knackering.

Find Your Legal High

I’ve heard that you humans like to drink blurriness water. It seems that when you’re in a strange mood you drink like you’ve been in a desert for a month and then your personality changes. I think it must be all that water going to your head.

Cat's Guide to Birthdays - stoned
That catnip is gooooood.

You get all chatty, giggly, and wobbly. I find it amusing to do my usual figure of eight between your legs when you’re trying to walk after drinking the blurriness water.

I will allow the naughtiness of blurriness water for birthdays as long as you’re supplying the catnip. No one should be getting wasted alone.

Allow Yourself to Be Spoilt Rotten

Cat's Guide to Birthdays - birthday
Happy birthday Cat Slave #1!

Let others shower you with love, gifts, attention and all that stuff. Just one condition though. This all happens after the cats have been fussed, fed, watered and loved immensely. Only then may you be the one to get all the attention. You really should know the drill by now.

I’m off to make sure Lisa knows her place, birthday or not. Now where’s my dinner woman?

 

 

About Lisa Sell

Lisa Sell is a fiction writer and blogger. When not wrestling with words she can be found showing the love for chocolate, cheese, coffee, the cat, and the Husband. Not particularly in that order.

6 comments on “A Cat’s Guide to Birthdays

  1. Thank you Feegle nice to hear from you again, thank you for the information you have given me when it comes to birthdays, stay well Feegle, I look forward to your next blog, would you mind sending your slave Lisa my love and hugs and also wish her a happy birthday, thank you Feegle, sending you lots of love and hugs too xxxxxxx

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