A Cat’s Guide to Waiting

It’s time for another instalment of the Feegle Chronicles, you lucky humans!

Cat Slave #1 is being a nightmare. She’s sent out that novel thingy to some people to read.

I keep hearing her wailing about how she has to wait weeks for the other humans to rip her book to shreds. Oh, ripping things to shreds isn’t as fun for humans as it is for cats, right?

We all have to wait for things sometimes although cats work to their own schedule.

I may only be nearly two years old but I’m a wise feline. Take my advice and get through those waiting times.

Queuing

I never queue for anything. No-one gets in the way of what I want.

Stop being so British and be more cat.

You don’t need to be rude to get out of waiting in a queue. Be cute, like me. Give them the eyes. Purr if you must (although that’s a bit weird in humans). People will move and adore you.

Be aware you may get a lot of attention and stroking though.

Find a Distraction

A Cat's Guide to Waiting - Feegle on a laptopCat Slave #1 is my spirit animal. She’s easily distracted by shiny things (usually new book covers), is led by her tummy, and has the attention span of, well, a cat.

When Cat Slave #1 needs a distraction I usually provide it for her. I recommend getting a cat for those of you who don’t have one.

I stop the humans from stressing. When Cat Slave #1 keeps checking her emails for an important reply, I usually just sit on her. Someone has to save her from herself. She’ll only write something stupid. Oh, she does that for a living.

Eat

Fat cats of the world unite.

Eating distracts you from the waiting.

Spend time loving the noms and filling your face with them. Although be warned that you may become so fat that you’ll have to wait even longer, to be able to get up from the sofa.

Start a New Project

A Cat's Guide to Waiting - Feegle the architectWhen you’re waiting for something to happen on your current project, start a new one.

It doesn’t even have to be in the area in which you humans do that thing called work. I’m still not quite sure what that is but I’m grateful to Cat Slave #2 for doing it. It keeps me in cat biscuits and treats.

New projects are fun.

Personally I like to build my cat empire, step by step. I cannot disclose the full details as humans are reading and cat world domination is top secret.

You may look at my crèches for kittens but that’s all your getting.

Get Creative

Express yourself by singing, writing, painting, drawing, learning an instrument…

Creativity makes your brain work so you won’t be thinking so much about what you’re waiting for.

I am currently working on my singing skills. I have nailed the higher squeaking range. The vibrato of my purr is my greatest accomplishment.

I sing at the humans on a regular basis, not only to show off my skills but because it makes them spring to action. For some strange reason, whenever I sing, food appears in my bowl. It’s magic.

Exercise

A Cat's Guide to Waiting - Feegle the circus catStretch those limbs and get that body moving.

Exercise fills up waiting times. While I’m waiting for the next nap, I like to have my frantic morning and evening runs across the house and up and down the stairs. I aim to make this around the same time each day and enjoy how it freaks the humans out.

I’m working on my core and balance at the moment. My aspiration is to be a circus cat. I’ve nailed balancing on the cat post. Next step: the trapeze.

Exercise takes your mind away from stresses. You humans then transfer your stress to how much the exercise hurts.

Take it easy. I find a few cat curls, along with a flex of the paws, is enough for one day.

Read a Book

Lose yourself in words.

I give this advice based only on what the humans tell me. In our house we have lots of books. I figure that must mean they’re good things.

Personally, I can’t read, although it is in the plan for World Domination, along with developing thumbs. Oops, I’ve spilled some secrets.

I like paper. It tastes good, is great for crumpling into balls that I can chase around, and makes a lovely sound when stood upon.

Looking at the shapes on it apparently takes up time and is fun. Try it.

Sleep

A Cat's Guide to Waiting - Feegle sleepingIf all else fails, sleep through the waiting.

Believe me, it works.

Bunker down in a comfy corner, huddle inwards, and prepare for an epic kip. The clock will tick by and you won’t know anything about it.

Remember to wake up though otherwise you might miss what you were waiting for. I once overslept and my favourite cat toy disappeared. I’m still having therapy.

What Are You Waiting For?

Off you go then. Go do that waiting well and let me know how it goes. Until then, I’ve got a Cat World to plan.

Oh, and feel sorry for me living with a writer waiting for feedback from her beta readers. A cat’s struggle is real.

 

About Lisa Sell

Lisa Sell is a fiction writer and blogger. When not wrestling with words she can be found showing the love for chocolate, cheese, coffee, the cat, and the Husband. Not particularly in that order.

4 comments on “A Cat’s Guide to Waiting

  1. Feegle I must say you are an extremely wise cat, cat slave #1 is very lucky to have you. I’m sure you are a very calming influence or at least a distraction for her at this anxious time. Not that she’ll have anything to worry about I’m sure. Please send her my regards won’t you.

  2. I’m left with the important question here – what happened to Feegle’s cat toy?? This is important stuff, and I hope the proper authorities were notified. I mean, what sort of monster steals a sleeping cat’s toy?? *Looks sideways at the disembowelled catnip mouse she’s been trying to sneak into the bin for the last month*

    This is all very sound advice, though. I shall be saving it for my next bout of beta reader waiting…

    1. Rest assured, Feegle’s favourite cat toy soon reappeared after it was mistakenly tidied away. Neither of her cat slaves could bear the filthy looks any longer and resolved to keep their house as a cat emporium rather than a home. What silly humans we are.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.