It’s that time of year when children write long lists of all those lovely things they want for Christmas. It’s that time of year when they hope Father Christmas will bring them everything on the list.
It’s that time of year that this writer hopes her long list will be fulfilled by Santa or anyone really. Pretty please?
A Writer’s List for Father Christmas
Dear Father Christmas,
I’ve been a good girl this year. Well, mostly, sort of, ish… Good enough, anyway.
Please can you cut this writer a break and give me the following for Christmas? I promise not to bother you again…until next year.
Here’s what I need, forget all that ‘want’ business:
1.Telepathic software that makes all my writing ideas transport from my head and straight on to the screen without typing.
2. A free editor on standby at all times.
3. A lifetime’s supply of Dairy Milk. I figure a job lot saves me having to add this to the list again next year.
4. A fridge full of cheese but none of that plastic nonsense with holes in it. Holes mean less cheese. I’m talking full-on, muscle man/woman strong cheddar.
5. An agent, for the love of writing, please.
6. A perfect self-writing synopsis, cover letter, first three chapters, and pitch.
7. The ability to write a novel perfectly on the first draft, no revising or editing required.
8. A butler to answer the door to flaming people collecting for weird charities who interrupt my writing time.
9. A maid to do the housework and ironing, not because it will help with writing but because I detest these tasks.
10. A cat wrangler for the days Feegle and Wullie decide to be disruptive gits.
11. A wardrobe of PJs so I can write in swanky, cosy attire every day.
12. For my book to be published without any effort on my part at all. Sorry, I realise this is a miracle. Pass this one on to God, please.
13. A cheesecake mountain, just because.
14. Highly effective ear plugs for my poor husband who has to put up with me rabbiting complete rubbish because I have lost the ability to properly word by the time he gets home.
15. Never-ending book tokens.
16. My own personal library, complete with secret door for my hidden chocolate stash.
17. A house full of cats with their own handler, of course.
18. Amazing reviews for my novel when it’s published.
19. A publisher who discovers me rather than having to go through the whole, exhausting process.
20. Squillions of pounds for the sales of my first novel. Okay, I realise this is beyond a miracle but you can’t blame a girl for trying.
21. The ability to eat and not put on weight.
22. A wardrobe full of swanky clothes for all those future personal appearances as a successful author. Okay, I’m reaching again…
23. All the writing ideas in the world.
24. All the blogging ideas in the world. This stuff doesn’t just appear, you know. That might be obvious.
25. A writing shed, full of comforts, heating, and sweet, sweet soundproofed walls.
26. The ability to write 24/7 without ever having to summon up the energy, inspiration, will or writing gods.
27. Mr Frosty because I’m still waiting for it from the 1980s.
28. World peace because I’m not a totally selfish git.
Thanks very much. I will love you forever if you could make my Christmas wishes come true. If not, you’re dead to me.
Lots of love,
Over to You
Fellow writers, what do you want for Christmas?
Non-writers, what do you want for Christmas?