Reading is loved by many. Books are a common source of entertainment and escapism but readers aren’t all the same.
Readers are a varied bunch. Read on and recognise yourself.
You are faithful to one book and one book only, until you’ve finished it.
Nothing stands in the way of your book, even when the bookshops and library whisper seductively as you pass.
If you could change your Facebook status without it being awkward, you’d state you’re in a relationship with your book. Your spouse may have something to say about you telling social media you’re intimate with an author though.
With every reading session you return to your book like you’re reuniting with a long lost friend.
You are free and easy with your attentions when it comes to books. A novel tries to tame you by getting your attention but the lure of shiny new books always captures you.
You don’t have a to-be-read pile. You’re reading them all at once.
You’re seriously considering surgery for extra limbs so you can hold all the books at once and simultaneously read.
Many a book has had its heart broken by your promise to give it all your time and attention, only for you to desert it when another brazen hussy of a book calls your name.
The Serial Killer
As soon as you’ve read one book by the author you know you must read every single one in the series. You love this book and want more of the same. You will do anything to get it.
So what if an author takes time to write? Don’t they understand that your life is on hold while you’re waiting for book #7? Must you go all Misery on them to be able to read the next book?
Serials are there for you to rip your way through. Nothing pleases you more than knocking another novel in the series off your hit list.
The Literary Snob
Only the most highbrow literature will do for you. If it’s won prestigious awards, you will read it, even if you hate it.
You’ll never confess you detest a literary novel though. Instead you’ll schmooze at cocktail parties, sipping wine you cannot stomach, talking to idiots who know less than you about the symbolism of a particular novel.
You will all leave the party wondering why you’ve spent four hours discussing how the use of a man putting on boots was a metaphor for the journey we make through life, battling our way through against adversity. The dude just needed some footwear.
The Oooh, Shiny!
You are seduced by beautiful book covers. You don’t even bother to read the blurb. If a book has fancy shininess, you’re sold, or rather, the book is, to you.
You are likely to buy numerous copies of the same novel because every couple of years the cover was updated and it was too beautiful not to own.
You buy novel series with all the same illustrations. You must not deviate by buying an older copy that didn’t use the same book designer as the others.
Your mantra in bookshops is ‘Oooh, shiny!’ as you magpie your way around the shelves, mesmerised by the hint of a decorative spine.
The Paper Purist
For you E-books were created by the devil. Books have always and should always only ever be read from paper.
If someone bought you a Kindle you would be mortally offended that they don’t understand your obsession with the smell of book pages. You can’t sniff a Kindle, unless you’re a weirdo.
Paper books are not only a source of reading delight but you can also fan yourself with them on hot days and you get to buy beautiful bookmarks for them.
The E-Book Enthusiast
For you printed books are so last season. Why bother reading physical books when you can carry millions with you in one device?
You haven’t read a printed book since you were at school. You can’t even remember what a physical book looks or feels like in your hand anymore.
If you were to pick up a book now it would confuse the hell out of you switching the book on and swiping the pages.
The Rebel Reader
You read the ending before you begin a book. You love knowing where you’re heading towards as you read.
When you read a whodunit, you enjoy knowing whodidit from the beginning.
You feel like you’re in an episode of Columbo where you know who the villain is while the hapless detectives work it out.
People can easily go off you as you’re a git when it comes to spoilers.
The Speed Demon
You race through books faster than Road Runner on amphetamine.
When people watch you read they wonder if you’re absorbing anything. You are. Words just can’t enter your conscious fast enough for your liking.
When you read, you take in every delicious sentence and need more. You’re a book vampire who cannot get enough of sucking the essence out of a novel, quickly.
The Stubborn Reader
Even if you hate a book, you will get all Mastermind about it; you’ve started so you’ll finish.
You put yourself through self-masochism, forcing yourself to read a boring plot, terrible writing, and one-dimensional characters.
It may take you a decade to finish a rubbish book but you will. Once you have, you will feel superior to others who gave up. For you, quitting is for losers, even if you have lost a significant amount of your life reading utter crap.
A book is your marked territory.
After you’ve read a book, others weep at the dog ears, heavily cracked spines, questionable stains, scrawls in the margin, highlighted sentences, bite marks from the cat, and missing pages you used due to a lack of toilet paper.
You deserve to be locked up.
Over to You
What type of reader are you?
Are you more than one type?
What are your thoughts on the types of readers you most definitely aren’t?